Review: Scrap Zelda - Defenders of the Triforce

RATING: 1 Key RESULT: Loss REMAINING: X:XX

Have you ever wanted to don a Kokiri cap, a Deku shield and fight to find the Master Sword?!? Then grab a chair and pull up to a table and continue to wonder with the rest of us as we solve a seemingly ENDLESS amount of paper based puzzles!

Story

Defeat the darkness. Find the Master Sword!

Golden triangles that grant the wish of whomever touches them: this sacred relic is known as the “Triforce™.” The Triforce was left behind by the Golden Goddesses after they created the realm now known as Hyrule, then sealed away so that none would be tempted to use it.

That is, until the Great King of Evil, Ganondorf, used his dark powers to steal the Triforce for himself. Responding to his unending ambition, darkness has begun to cover the land. If left unchecked, Hyrule will soon be completely controlled by evil.

There is only one way to escape from this terrible fate: find the legendary Master Sword.

It is up to you and your team to become “Defenders of the Triforce,” ally with Princess Zelda and the inhabitants of Hyrule, and obtain the Master Sword.

The survival of Hyrule Kingdom rests on your shoulders.
Your adventure begins now.

Long story short; Thank you for your money. This marks the beginning of the greatest journey of your video game life, the journey into utter and complete disappointment!

Welcome to “Hyrule” everyone, grab a cap (that I am SURE was washed) and pull up a folding chair as we embark on trip to see how much terribleness we can withstand in the name of nostalgia.

Scenic

Ah yes, the scenic. The part of the game that is always the most important to me. Scenic gives you that real sense of immersion even when you know for a fact that it cannot possibly be real.

In this case the only thing that felt real was the rapidly growing sense of dread as I realized our timer was running out and I had obviously been duped out of my hard earned cash!

Let me set the scene. We walked in and saw 26 round folding tables with 6 folding plastic chairs at each of those tables. Off to the side was a small foyer with 5 PVC constructed booths covered in colored cloth that loosely matched to the general scheme of some of the greatest Hyrulian worlds such as: Zora’s Domain, Kokiri Forest, and Goron City.

I’ve clearly been given four tickets to paradise….

In front of these “Worlds” stood what I can only assume were paid “actors?” I use the term actors in the broadest sense in this situation as, for the most part, these characters did there best impressions of the late 90’s versions, only moving in short repeated patterns and only able to speak in short sentences over and over.

But fear not fellow defenders! Should you need help or a hint at any time you can ask…you guessed it, NAVI!

Yes, everyone’s favorite fairy, with the impeccable timing of a younger sibling in the middle of your only chance with your biggest crush, does indeed make a memorable appearance. Only, in this case “memorable” means more like “useless” and “apperance” means there was about 15 actors walking around the entire time in sweaters with small Christmas lights to denote they were in fact “Navi.” I asked our Navi for a hint and her exact reply to me was literally a blank stare as I went ahead and went against what I am always told about escape rooms and destroyed something. We had to ask Navi for a few hints because, oh boy…..the puzzles.

Puzzles

This may (should) come as no surprise but the puzzles for this game left me more than a little upset. Yes, there were a few that were clever and on a very basic puzzle solving level and I found a shred of joy in solving a couple of them (I was desperate to try and enjoy myself for the cost).

The real problem was the puzzles just felt half-hearted. For a franchise that hangs it hat on giving players puzzles to solve in their video game it was expected that the puzzles would fit into the theme and maybe play a little in the immersion of the game. Boy did they try…… I think (?).

I mean who can forget the time that Link had to draw a fish on a piece of paper to give to Lord Jabu-Jabu to get him to open his mouth with a small chest in it?? Don’t forget the time you had to figure out which hat to wear while you WAITED IN LINE TO GIVE YOUR ANSWER TO A CHARACTER!

Yes you read that correctly Zelda fans. While playing the game, you and the other tables all had to take turns waiting in long lines while seconds ticked away, to give your answer to a character.

Talk about a truly Zelda inspired part of the game!

Mercifully the timer expired as we were on our way to the Temple of Time with the final answer in hand signalling the end to my 60 minute excursion into hel…….Hyrule…….Yeah….Hyrule.

Overall

One would think that with a game being designed in collaboration with The Legend of Zelda, there would be some sort of standard they were aiming to meet. I mean I LOVE The Super Mario Bros. movie for the nostalgia but hands down that film puts a horrible black eye on one of the biggest franchises in video game history. There is no possible way Nintendo would make that same mistake with literal video game royalty is there?!

There is, and they did.

There was (and still is) a TON of potential to do a great Zelda room should anyone actually get the IP rights to do so but this game did not do either Zelda or escape rooms any justice. My opinion is they did not do themselves any favors by identifying this as an “Escape Game” from the outset. If you dig far enough into the FAQs they do describe what a hall style game actually is but honestly, who among escape room enthusiasts is diving that far into FAQs?

To say I was just disappointed after piling myself and 3 others in my car for an hour and half long drive all to the tune of $41 a pop (plus gas and parking!) would be one of the biggest understatements ever written on this site.

Thankfully this traveling circus has played it’s last show on a tour of mediocrity but not before making a pretty quick buck off the back of one of history’s all-time favorite video game franchises.